Hiyas! You've probably just found my LJ. Welcome to my stupid little mind.
This LJ is not one of those friends-only things, so most of my entries are publicly viewable. (That is, if the public wants to bother reading this crap)
I do filter a few things, but that's about 0.00001% of the (non) content of this thingy.
So Welcome! Welcome to city 17!
Hey, I almost forgot this thing existed. Sadly, I seem to have joined the ranks of facebook, swiftly and suddenly enough to eliminate any questions about why I did. How easily I have forsaken my LJ. (Truthfully, I think its the fact that I tend to get more responses to posts on FB than I ever did on LJ.)
Sorry, LJ. I'm still here... Sorta.
Things in my life have been shifting. New avenues and possibilities are presenting themselves to me like they never have before. Outside of work, things seem to be going better for me than they have for a long time now. I would never have imagined all the wonderful opportunities presented to me before. And yet, sometimes it seems like it's all too much. It's a double-edged sword for sure... Ome that is seemingly guaranteed to cut both ways.
Choices must be made and they are never easy choices. Given the choice again, I doubt I would have gone off the lexapro cold turkey. This drug is some powerful juju. Even if it didn't really help me as much as I'd wished it had, quitting it seems to have completely thrown my body into a rejection of reality. The new lows are far lower than the previously imagined lows. The highs are about the same, but I seem to experience them with a newfound clarity, as though the cobwebs and dust have been cleaned off my brain.
Yet, still I lament, for everything seems to make less sense to my demedicated brain. Technically, things are going swimmingly for me, but I'm still more addled and moody than I've ever been. I struggle to make sense of the situations presented to me.
Even now, as I write this, I'm a tad unsure of what my point is. I think I just needed to be heard, really. I'm tired, but unable to sleep, happy, but unable to smile, thrilled, but unable to rejoice.
I'm a walking, talking dichotomy, and oxymoron who can't even begin to understand what it desires, or more importantly needs.
If starting to lose touch with one's desires or needs in this life is a sign of insanity, I'm likely over the edge and too far gone for help.
Worse still is the care-free attitude with which these antidepressants are prescribed, often without the end user understanding just how deep these chemicals can reach into one's brain.
I should be fine after a while. I just keep waiting for the time.
I'm tired finally and I think I've cried myself out.
This isn't what I had expected.
At least my sleep tends to be dreamless...
Is this thing one?
Man, I haven't looked at LJ in ages. I just don't have the drive to update my blog anymore.
Nobody really reads this thing anyway. Would it be missed, honestly?
Yes, I love life again.
It's a good thing and comes once.... let's say.... In a lifetime.
Leave ONE WORD (in the comment section) that you think best describes me. It can be only one word. No more. Then copy and paste this on YOUR page so I may leave my one word about you.
Yep. I know... I've not posted anything for a while.
This is too good not to share.
I don't know why I do it.
The trip to Chicago was good, but not terribly relaxing. Only a slightly smaller than normal amount of driving was done, owing tot he fact that I was staying at my mom's place in Gurnee, about 40 miles North of Chicago. Arranging visits with the various folks who still actually wanted to see me was a little annoying, too.
I also happened to visit during the coldest, wettest summer I can remember. I know that I talk about how I miss the rain living out here in Southern CA, but two weeks of it nearly nonstop was a bit of a shock to my system.
I think something inside me broke, because I was melancholy and depressed for a majority of the trip. I'm not saying that it wasn't nice to see everybody; the cause of my depression is unbeknownst to me. I tended to waffle between worrying about things back in L.A. and feelings of inadequacy. Bizarre.
My mom threw a birthday party for me on the Saturday before my birthday and my only friend that showed up was a buddy from Kalamazoo who I haven't seen in 19 years. That was the pleasant surprise of the trip. Thanks, Devon. :D Still, there were a bunch of folks at the party, mostly people I know through my mom, and my sister showed up with her (surprisingly well-behaved) children.
I never realized just how out of touch I've been. THis is the first time I've met either of my nieces, the elder of which is 4 years old already. :P
Going back home after such an extended interval is a bit disconcerting. I dunno what to make of it anymore. I just know that in my heart, I still belong there, somehow.
I had the most interesting experience tonight. During one of my brief hiatuses from WoW, I was playing a little bit of Rock Band 2 on the 360.
Recently, I had had some difficulties with it. It froze during a set with some friends, and was generally acting a little bit weird, but still booted normally afterwards.
This time, however, was different. After loading Rock Band, the entire screen went black while trying to navigate the menus. I kinda figured I knew what was next. Well, the next few times I powered the 360 on, I got just the power light, and no ring lights. 2-3 times later, it came on with the dreaded Red Ring of Death....
And proceeded to boot normally, with three flashing ring lights!
I then played an entire set with my friends, the entire time during which the red lights were flashing. Crazy, I thought.. Then I started worrying about ever turning the thing off for fear that it would break completely.
Nope. It boots normally now and seems to work okay. Somehow, I managed to beat the RRoD. (For now)
I'm only concerned now that this is a temporary situation and my 360's days are truly numbered. *sigh*
Well, even if I do have to send it back, it's not as though I've been playing it much lately. :D